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Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio: "Narcissus" (1597 - 1599).
The Narcissist.
In love, as in work, as in life,
- associates with people of a very high socio-economic level or in any case of apparent success, to show off his superior level to others: EXHIBITION,
- targets people of a rather low socio-economic level who, therefore, are easily suggestible and agree to be used instrumentally and according to exchange criteria: CYNISM,
- to the people referred to in point 2., he makes it clear that he does not use them but guides them in their interest, and promises them very flattering future developments, but with the clear awareness that he will not be able to keep his promises: LIE (because one of the characteristics of the Narcissist is frequent lying: a lie that certainly can takes the form of to boast (boasting of successes that really are non-existent or to boasting exaggeratedly about real successes but that are not actually sensational) but that can takes also the form of an premeditatedly vane promise),
- when the showdown approaches, that is, when the people referred to in point 2. realize that they now deserve the developments promised to them, the Narcissist instead of revealing his bluff raises and states that he has not given what he promised because he intends to give much more, and so on, relaunching more and more from time to time: RELAUNCHING OF THE LIE,
- the higher the level of one's promise, the more difficult it becomes for the Narcissist to keep it: DEAD END,
- the Narcissist feels humiliated by not being able to keep his (growing) promises and feels that his game has now been discovered, and so he pulls a rabbit out of the hat: "I would have liked to give you what I promised you, so much so that, in the end, I promised you a lot, but I didn't want to give you what I promised you because you didn't prove yourself worthy": PROJECTION, DEVALUATION and GUILT.
The Narcissist, among other things, is a skilled liar and in any case a serial liar. He is used to lying, and, in order to be convincing with others, he is forced to be convinced himself of the lies he tells, and this leads him to progressively detach himself from reality and to inexorably lose self-awareness of his own lies (which in the long run he tends to no longer recognize as such). Therefore, especially with extreme and mature Narcissists, throwing the lying and fake nature of their personality in their face could easily produce in them, after an initial moment of satisfied exaltation, a psychotic-like reaction, because the adult Narcissist has by now consolidated even in his own eyes, over the years, a totally fake image of himself.
In love, the Narcissist lets himself be left: he doesn't leave.
The Narcissist is accustomed to acting like a show-off with the passive crowd of supporting actors, subordinates, and half-wits he surrounds himself with when he needs to show off or vent his frustrations. Therefore, he's ill-prepared to incur the negative and critical reaction of others to his boasting or his sardonic and cynical put-downs. Therefore, you need to get back at him and immediately point out his most embarrassing flaws and mistakes. Then, if the Narcissist tells you he was just kidding, tell him you were kidding too; and if, instead, he tells you his criticism was constructive, tell him yours is constructive too. And then, again, pretend absolutely nothing happened and appear completely relaxed.
What are the symptoms of a Narcissist?
- Selfishness,
- Poor ethics,
- Lying (boasting or making promises they know they can't keep),
- Envy,
- In the short term, blatant praise and courtship of a new partner (so-called love bombing),
- In the medium to long term, blaming/humiliating their partner (so-called gaslighting),
- Dating real or apparent successes, but then pairing up with partners who are easy to intimidate,
- Dread of old age, illness, and death (factors that profoundly undermine their superiority),
- Hyperactivity,
- Devotion to work, money, and luxury items.
